I’ve been single for about a year and a half now and after doing some major healing after my last relationship (that I’m not quite over to be honest) I decided about two ish months ago to get back into the dating scene. I started out slow and made every move very thought out and screened people thoroughly. I went on a few dates and they weren’t really that great. Or the vibes weren’t there. Or my brain just latched onto the idea that I was going to get left anyways and self destruct. Lol.
So I started talking to my therapist more, and even though I was struggling with it a lot we decided that it was only going to get easier if I pushed through and really worked on myself while dating people. I have set up boundaries and dealt with things and realized triggers etc. It’s still hard AF, but it’s definitely easier.
Now, however, I’m at the point where I feel like I’ve lost most hope with dating. Something I’ve thought about recently is dating as a person in my 30’s. Most people my age found their “person” when they were in their 20’s and married then. I think back to who I dated in my 20s and I can’t imagine being married to them. Not that I didn’t love them or think they are bad people but it just didn’t work out. And it didn’t work out because we didn’t really know ourselves and just didn’t grow together or mesh well enough. Or that there were just things that pissed me off that I couldn’t see myself ‘dealing with’. Now I’m wondering… if I want to have a lifelong partner will I have to ‘just deal with’ major things that really bother me? Because sure, there have been people I’ve been on dates with recently that were definitely ‘marriable’ or whatever the fuck lol. But like I just can’t stand who they are. Like my standards are really high- especially when it comes to men.
Btw, I don’t know if y’all know but men are pretty icky.
Let me show you what it’s been like in the dating scene over the past few months…
This royally pisses me off because I will get banned for my comment but this guy doesn’t get reprimanded at all for being a piece of scum. HOW WHY DOES THIS MAKE SENSE.
This one is super funny. I mean.. let me get this straight. You ask and ask and ask for me to have sex with you— I continuously say no— then I say to pay me — then you say you’ll do dinner and drinks—- I decide that’s not worth my time—- then you offer $100 —- THEN YOU SAY THAT I SHOULD BE THE ONE PAYING HIM??? Yeah buddy, I’ll pass.
Yeah, so basically this blog was super triggering to make because it just makes me so angry that men think they can talk to women like this??
They think no one will ever find out or know how shitty of a person they are online. They are probably the types of men that make fake accounts and troll women telling them how ugly or fat they are. They are the men that push you to say yes, when you really just want to say no. They are the men that prey on you and hurt you. This isn’t even the beginning of the screenshots and screenshots I’ve collected over the years. This doesn’t include all the times I DID meet up with someone and I felt VERY unsafe. When I had to leave a date and drive around for a while to make sure no one was following me. When I consented to having sex with someone but I didn’t consent to other things and I had to file a report at the police department. It’s sitting in a room with detectives and trying to get them to believe my story. Trying to get them to understand the shit that we have to go through— when it’s just another man sitting there staring back at you. When you feel like he also doesn’t understand. When he tells you there’s basically nothing they can do. When I’m walking down a street alone and I won’t dare look at my phone or look distracted because I don’t want someone to think I’m vulnerable enough to attack. When I call the cops on an ex boyfriend who is burning a painting of ME and posting it on the internet. When they come to my house and laugh in my face and ask me if I have a gun. When I have to go to the pharmacy and buy the plan B with my own money— not ever telling the guy that I did that. When you’re terrified after having unprotected sex with someone that you’ve now contracted some crazy disease because the other person never showed any interest in having that conversation. When a guy asks me to buy the condoms because “you’ll be using them too”.
This isn’t even half of the shit we have to deal with. And the majority of ‘nice guys’ I go on dates with have NO clue whatsoever. They think they have it bad too. That women are crazy. That we are just too sensitive and over react. But they’ve most likely * never had any fear instilled in them when going on a first date with someone. They’ve never had to text a friend and say “Here’s the guys name, a photo of him, the place we are meeting, and I’ll check in with you” before a dinner date.
I’m exhausted, and everyone else in this dating world is too. I guarantee it.