This past year has been nothing but a rollercoaster. With moving back from Amsterdam late 2017 completely broken and broke— I had a lot of work to do to bounce back. I thought I would bounce back quickly. That getting out of the situation I was in would be enough to make me see that there’s more to life than relationships. Lawd was I wrong. I went back and forth. I tried new things. Forced relationships. Fed off of the high I got whenever someone loved me or gave me attention. Looking back now I realize I was desperate. Desperate for love and attention and interaction that was real. But grasping for it doesn’t make that happen. I grasped in the wrong places- and sometimes even doing it without realizing that I could probably be hurting the other people. And sometimes without realizing I was just hurting myself. I wanted the 10 minutes of good feelings and didn’t care what came after. This is all a part of being a love addict. I ride the high and crash afterwards.
Okay so this is where shit gets hard. Because I obviously remember a lot of stuff during this age. A lot of shit happened. I started learning how to deal with my trauma. I realized OH I have anxiety...OH I'm clinically depressed. I got my Bachelors of Fine Arts. I moved across the country. I moved across the world. I had 4-ish major relationships. I loved a lot of people. A lot of people didn't love me back. I was sexually harassed and sexually abused. I made a lot of friends and also lost some of the best ones I've ever had. I worked a lot of jobs. I became temporarily disabled because of a knee injury. I gained a lot of weight. I dealt with a lot of brain stuff. I traveled the world. I published a book. I took nude photos of myself. I shaved my head multiple times.Read More
It's #WorldMentalHealthDay so here's a blog post on what I've been dealing with for the past two weeks/and the past few months.Read More
Trying to make a blog post without complaining is hard work. (LOL)Read More
Why? It's exhausting to have to CONSTANTLY be fighting with yourself. It's a life long thing, ya know? It doesn't just go away. Not even with meds. The meds just makes it more bearable. It's like giving your brain armor. Armor isn't impenetrable, but it could save your life.Read More
I deserve to take up space, and so do you.Read More