All roads are lined with these thick hedges so you can’t really get off the road. Also keep in mind that everyone drives approximately 800mph on these roads. AND it’s farmland so you’re apt to come upon a tractor or two. It was so terrifying. But instead of letting it get the best of me I said to myself—- OKAY BISH. YOU BOSSED UP AND BIKED YOUR WAY THROUGH THE NETHERLANDS AND AMSTERDAM CITY CENTER AS A DUTCHIE SO JUST DO THAT HERE. And I did. I owned that shit. I think my mom almost died from the shock of it all though. hahahah
This past year has been nothing but a rollercoaster. With moving back from Amsterdam late 2017 completely broken and broke— I had a lot of work to do to bounce back. I thought I would bounce back quickly. That getting out of the situation I was in would be enough to make me see that there’s more to life than relationships. Lawd was I wrong. I went back and forth. I tried new things. Forced relationships. Fed off of the high I got whenever someone loved me or gave me attention. Looking back now I realize I was desperate. Desperate for love and attention and interaction that was real. But grasping for it doesn’t make that happen. I grasped in the wrong places- and sometimes even doing it without realizing that I could probably be hurting the other people. And sometimes without realizing I was just hurting myself. I wanted the 10 minutes of good feelings and didn’t care what came after. This is all a part of being a love addict. I ride the high and crash afterwards.
I knew little to nothing about this person and I was immediately falling for him, as I do. I fall hard and fast- but this time I wanted to try things out a little differently. So, I tried to relax. For the first week or so I honestly thought that he hated me for some WHATEVER reason. My friends and I even googled him endlessly to figure out any details about him. hahahaha. My friend at the time helped me to "chill" my inner 5 year old self that freaks out with any kind of relationship with a man. And I was mostly able to do so, and not in a way that diluted anything that was a key part of who I was. Because as I've said in previous blog posts-- I am NOT a chill girl.Read More
Trying to make a blog post without complaining is hard work. (LOL)Read More
I'm going to go ahead and say this now: If it weren't for the internet, I'd be dead a long time ago. Being in another country is especially hard, but you know what keeps me going? The fact that there's an online community of people that 'care' about me.Read More
Guess what? If you look like .. me and Brett?... and you're going from Amsterdam to Germany.. watch out because they will just think you are a member of the drug cartel. I don't know what was up with security that day but DAMN. First we got asked all kinds of questions about what we were doing, where we were coming from, etc etc. You know, the norm. Then we got asked if we had been "Smoking doobies" in Amsterdam. Um... Obviously we say no to the people searching for drugs... but UH.. even if we had (we def had) we would have been doing so legally.Read More
I deserve to take up space, and so do you.Read More