I decided to do this week long project because not only do I want to help other people wear whatever they want, I also want to force myself to love my body and to not be scared to wear a crop top. Over the past week I've put on a crop top or a t-shirt tied in a knot... probably.... 4 or 5 times? And then took it off immediately after looking in the mirror. I've been brewing on it though and today I just said... You know what? F.U.C.K. I.T. If I want to wear a crop top and show my belly then that should be okay? I'm not hurting anyone.
As I'm back home I feel a bit stressed out. I do feel very liberated and awesome, don't get me wrong. But... being on one of the busiest shopping streets in Amsterdam as a fat person is very very intimidating. Especialllyyyyy in a new country.
I just said in the paragraph before that whole "fuck it" mentality right? Right. But... I also have serious anxiety. I also have been fighting to redo all of the information that I've received from society in the past about being fat. And when I see people staring at me. Directly at my belly. Up and down with no shame... It makes me so uncomfortable as fuck. Don't get me wrong, I'm so glad I did it, but it takes a lot out of me mentally.
Maybe those people talked shit about me afterwards, but that's not my problem. That's something I have to work on. I don't want or need those people to like me.
I deserve to take up space, and so do you.