All roads are lined with these thick hedges so you can’t really get off the road. Also keep in mind that everyone drives approximately 800mph on these roads. AND it’s farmland so you’re apt to come upon a tractor or two. It was so terrifying. But instead of letting it get the best of me I said to myself—- OKAY BISH. YOU BOSSED UP AND BIKED YOUR WAY THROUGH THE NETHERLANDS AND AMSTERDAM CITY CENTER AS A DUTCHIE SO JUST DO THAT HERE. And I did. I owned that shit. I think my mom almost died from the shock of it all though. hahahah
This past year has been nothing but a rollercoaster. With moving back from Amsterdam late 2017 completely broken and broke— I had a lot of work to do to bounce back. I thought I would bounce back quickly. That getting out of the situation I was in would be enough to make me see that there’s more to life than relationships. Lawd was I wrong. I went back and forth. I tried new things. Forced relationships. Fed off of the high I got whenever someone loved me or gave me attention. Looking back now I realize I was desperate. Desperate for love and attention and interaction that was real. But grasping for it doesn’t make that happen. I grasped in the wrong places- and sometimes even doing it without realizing that I could probably be hurting the other people. And sometimes without realizing I was just hurting myself. I wanted the 10 minutes of good feelings and didn’t care what came after. This is all a part of being a love addict. I ride the high and crash afterwards.
I feel like everyone who has a blog runs into a time where they have a block. Where they feel like there’s too much pressure on writing something “good” to where it stops you from writing all together. Which is just silly and irrational but hey, brains will do that to ya.
I downloaded the app for Squarespace in hopes that I’ll do some blog writing when I’m out and about and putting less pressure on it. Because I really do enjoy writing things.
Things have been tough recently. There’s been a lot of family drama. A lot of drama in general so I’ve been staying under the radar for the most part. I foster failed at taking care of a kitten and now I have a kitten named Poppy. Lol. Poppy is short for princess otter pop pup Yas.
she’s much bigger now and kind of an asshole toddler demon kitten but damn do I love her. There is something so special about bringing up a kitten from a lil newborn.
Other than taking care of little Poppy, I’ve been working a lot, trying to get my head right, trying to find the right medication, and honestly sleeping a lot. I’ve also done quite a few drag looks which I’ll share!
My really great friend, Lindsay and I really know how to get together some great looks. We will usually go to a show or event all dressed up then hit up a drag show and go dancing. She’s definitely one of my favorite people since moving back to Louisiana.
There’s also been a lot of hate floating around and towards me. People shaming me for needing to take care of myself first. People just not being good friends or people. And I’ve been wanting to make a post and blast the people for being complete assholes— but they know who they are. They know they are assholes. And hey, they may *probabaly 100%* have some serious insecurities and decided they wanted to take that out on me.
That’s on them.
As many of y’all probably know, I have been doing portrait commissions for people for the last 10 ish years so I’m definitely not new to this scene— just new to painting in the wedding industry. Also for those 10 years I photographed hundreds of weddings all over the United States as that was my main source of income for many years.
Now I’m wanting to paint live at weddings all over the South, mainly in Louisiana but I’m definitely available for travel.
Primarily I work in Shreveport, Lafayette, New Orleans, and Baton Rouge. I also have a lot of ties in Portland so I would be willing to give a great deal for anyone willing to fly me out!
Above are a few images from the first day I went to see it. It is originally from California, then had an owner in Arizona, and then eventually made its way to Louisiana where it had an owner here for 10 years. In very... "California" manner it's very beachy beach surfer dude brah. Which, if you know anything about me-- you know I am NOT into. Lol. But I saw potential. And not to mention that the engine is in almost complete perfect condition.Read More
I knew little to nothing about this person and I was immediately falling for him, as I do. I fall hard and fast- but this time I wanted to try things out a little differently. So, I tried to relax. For the first week or so I honestly thought that he hated me for some WHATEVER reason. My friends and I even googled him endlessly to figure out any details about him. hahahaha. My friend at the time helped me to "chill" my inner 5 year old self that freaks out with any kind of relationship with a man. And I was mostly able to do so, and not in a way that diluted anything that was a key part of who I was. Because as I've said in previous blog posts-- I am NOT a chill girl.Read More
This trip was basically a "learn to love the NL again" trip. I was able to find my strength and do things I felt like I could never do whenever I was living there and riddled with anxiety.Read More
I know, I know. The title makes it sound ridiculous right? Yeah, I thought so too. But turns out that 8 months apart from each other can be eye opening. Because like I said in my previous blog post- hindsight is 20/20.
So before I get into the juicy juicy details that all of you have been so patiently waiting for: a little back story. With losing my Dad at such a young age, then my Step Dad passing away, and never really dealing with any of that 'male in my life figure' dynamic--- I HAVE DADDY ISSUES. But, I mean, who doesn't, amiright?Read More
Okay so this is where shit gets hard. Because I obviously remember a lot of stuff during this age. A lot of shit happened. I started learning how to deal with my trauma. I realized OH I have anxiety...OH I'm clinically depressed. I got my Bachelors of Fine Arts. I moved across the country. I moved across the world. I had 4-ish major relationships. I loved a lot of people. A lot of people didn't love me back. I was sexually harassed and sexually abused. I made a lot of friends and also lost some of the best ones I've ever had. I worked a lot of jobs. I became temporarily disabled because of a knee injury. I gained a lot of weight. I dealt with a lot of brain stuff. I traveled the world. I published a book. I took nude photos of myself. I shaved my head multiple times.Read More
When I think about all of the things that happened during this span of my life I'm like OMG how will I ever tell you all about everything???!!? Well, SPOILER ALERT, I'm not.
What I've decided to do is think of the major things that happened throughout 11-20 years old and then tell you about those and then also share some hilarious pictures because honestly who doesn't love reminiscing by looking at photos as you were transitioning through puberty. It'll be a good laugh, I promise.Read More
I was honestly the same as a child as I am now at 30 years old. Not scared to get dirty, naked most of the time, but also loved flowers and being pretty.Read More
I don't really know what else to say except that I'm trying to be a better person, a more whole person. I'm trying to be genuine and real. I'm trying to do the best I can in my life and relationships with other people. But, fuck, somedays it's hard.Read More
Do I regret my choices? A part of me does. Sure, I want to go through life saying nO ReGRets~~ but who am I or you kidding?Read More
Read a lil bit about my time in Amsterdam with both Alley and Vanessa- two huge inspirations of my life and the people that helped keep my head above water in a dark time of my life.Read More
Duh, I got ice cream on the way to everything.Read More
Hello all. I've been wanting to update my blog because a lot has happened in the past few months. I know that I've written about a lot of the bad stuff but honestly I had some of the best times right before leaving. Alley and Vanessa were there. Yvonne was (and is) there for me. So even though it's slightly bittersweet writing about it, I know I still need to do it. That it will help me heal. Anyways, here goes, enjoy! <3Read More
It's #WorldMentalHealthDay so here's a blog post on what I've been dealing with for the past two weeks/and the past few months.Read More
*Side note* The reason I'm making this post is because I know the importance of being honest and true online. I have an online presence-- people see my work and read my words... so, personally, it's extremely important for me to not hide the bad, gritty shit. Just as it's equally important for me to not speak about my life with merely emotions and anger.*Read More
This blog post is basically just a story of me stalking a cat.Read More
Trying to make a blog post without complaining is hard work. (LOL)Read More