1973 Volkswagen Bus Type II Remodel- PART ONE!!

1973 Volkswagen Bus Type II Remodel- PART ONE!!

Above are a few images from the first day I went to see it. It is originally from California, then had an owner in Arizona, and then eventually made its way to Louisiana where it had an owner here for 10 years. In very... "California" manner it's very beachy beach surfer dude brah. Which, if you know anything about me-- you know I am NOT into. Lol. But I saw potential. And not to mention that the engine is in almost complete perfect condition.

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My brain wants me to fail.

My brain wants me to fail.

I knew little to nothing about this person and I was immediately falling for him, as I do. I fall hard and fast- but this time I wanted to try things out a little differently. So, I tried to relax. For the first week or so I honestly thought that he hated me for some WHATEVER reason. My friends and I even googled him endlessly to figure out any details about him. hahahaha. My friend at the time helped me to "chill" my inner 5 year old self that freaks out with any kind of relationship with a man. And I was mostly able to do so, and not in a way that diluted anything that was a key part of who I was. Because as I've said in previous blog posts-- I am NOT a chill girl. 

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When life gives you lemons??

When life gives you lemons??

This trip was basically a "learn to love the NL again" trip. I was able to find my strength and do things I felt like I could never do whenever I was living there and riddled with anxiety. 

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SPOILER ALERT: I'm in a relationship with my ex.

SPOILER ALERT: I'm in a relationship with my ex.

I know, I know. The title makes it sound ridiculous right? Yeah, I thought so too. But turns out that 8 months apart from each other can be eye opening. Because like I said in my previous blog post- hindsight is 20/20.

So before I get into the juicy juicy details that all of you have been so patiently waiting for: a little back story. With losing my Dad at such a young age, then my Step Dad passing away, and never really dealing with any of that 'male in my life figure' dynamic--- I HAVE DADDY ISSUES. But, I mean, who doesn't, amiright?

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Part 3: 21-30years// SO MANY THINGS OMG OMG

Part 3: 21-30years// SO MANY THINGS OMG OMG

Okay so this is where shit gets hard. Because I obviously remember a lot of stuff during this age. A lot of shit happened. I started learning how to deal with my trauma. I realized OH I have anxiety...OH I'm clinically depressed. I got my Bachelors of Fine Arts. I moved across the country. I moved across the world. I had 4-ish major relationships. I loved a lot of people. A lot of people didn't love me back. I was sexually harassed and sexually abused. I made a lot of friends and also lost some of the best ones I've ever had. I worked a lot of jobs. I became temporarily disabled because of a knee injury. I gained a lot of weight. I dealt with a lot of brain stuff. I traveled the world. I published a book. I took nude photos of myself. I shaved my head multiple times. 

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Part 2: Puberty and blossoming into a beautiful butterfly (lol)

Part 2: Puberty and blossoming into a beautiful butterfly (lol)

When I think about all of the things that happened during this span of my life I'm like OMG how will I ever tell you all about everything???!!? Well, SPOILER ALERT, I'm not. 

What I've decided to do is think of the major things that happened throughout 11-20 years old and then tell you about those and then also share some hilarious pictures because honestly who doesn't love reminiscing by looking at photos as you were transitioning through puberty. It'll be a good laugh, I promise. 

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Cycle Awayyy / Part 1 / Alley comes for a visit!

Cycle Awayyy / Part 1 / Alley comes for a visit!

Hello all. I've been wanting to update my blog because a lot has happened in the past few months. I know that I've written about a lot of the bad stuff but honestly I had some of the best times right before leaving. Alley and Vanessa were there. Yvonne was (and is) there for me. So even though it's slightly bittersweet writing about it, I know I still need to do it. That  it will help me heal. Anyways, here goes, enjoy! <3

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Living in Europe pt. 6 // The End.

Living in Europe pt. 6 // The End.

*Side note* The reason I'm making this post is because I know the importance of being honest and true online. I have an online presence-- people see my work and read my words... so, personally, it's extremely important for me to not hide the bad, gritty shit. Just as it's equally important for me to not speak about my life with merely emotions and anger.*

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Living in Europe pt. 5 // Trying to make a blog post without complaining is hard work. (LOL)

Living in Europe pt. 5 // Trying to make a blog post without complaining is hard work. (LOL)

Trying to make a blog post without complaining is hard work. (LOL) 

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Day Trip: Amstelpark

Day Trip: Amstelpark

This is a trip to a park that's within Amsterdam City limits. I was coming off of my anti depressant medication during this time and I was having a seriously hard time dealing with life...but Brett got me out of the house anyways and we took the puppers with us. I don't even remember when this trip was and it's proving to be quite the difficult post to make. I suppose I'm apologizing in advance. I'll try my best. Hahah

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If it weren't for the internet, I'd be dead

If it weren't for the internet, I'd be dead

I'm going to go ahead and say this now: If it weren't for the internet, I'd be dead a long time ago. Being in another country is especially hard, but you know what keeps me going? The fact that there's an online community of people that 'care' about me.

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