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Above are a few images from the first day I went to see it. It is originally from California, then had an owner in Arizona, and then eventually made its way to Louisiana where it had an owner here for 10 years. In very... "California" manner it's very beachy beach surfer dude brah. Which, if you know anything about me-- you know I am NOT into. Lol. But I saw potential. And not to mention that the engine is in almost complete perfect condition.
I knew little to nothing about this person and I was immediately falling for him, as I do. I fall hard and fast- but this time I wanted to try things out a little differently. So, I tried to relax. For the first week or so I honestly thought that he hated me for some WHATEVER reason. My friends and I even googled him endlessly to figure out any details about him. hahahaha. My friend at the time helped me to "chill" my inner 5 year old self that freaks out with any kind of relationship with a man. And I was mostly able to do so, and not in a way that diluted anything that was a key part of who I was. Because as I've said in previous blog posts-- I am NOT a chill girl.
This trip was basically a "learn to love the NL again" trip. I was able to find my strength and do things I felt like I could never do whenever I was living there and riddled with anxiety.
I know, I know. The title makes it sound ridiculous right? Yeah, I thought so too. But turns out that 8 months apart from each other can be eye opening. Because like I said in my previous blog post- hindsight is 20/20.
So before I get into the juicy juicy details that all of you have been so patiently waiting for: a little back story. With losing my Dad at such a young age, then my Step Dad passing away, and never really dealing with any of that 'male in my life figure' dynamic--- I HAVE DADDY ISSUES. But, I mean, who doesn't, amiright?
Okay so this is where shit gets hard. Because I obviously remember a lot of stuff during this age. A lot of shit happened. I started learning how to deal with my trauma. I realized OH I have anxiety...OH I'm clinically depressed. I got my Bachelors of Fine Arts. I moved across the country. I moved across the world. I had 4-ish major relationships. I loved a lot of people. A lot of people didn't love me back. I was sexually harassed and sexually abused. I made a lot of friends and also lost some of the best ones I've ever had. I worked a lot of jobs. I became temporarily disabled because of a knee injury. I gained a lot of weight. I dealt with a lot of brain stuff. I traveled the world. I published a book. I took nude photos of myself. I shaved my head multiple times.
When I think about all of the things that happened during this span of my life I'm like OMG how will I ever tell you all about everything???!!? Well, SPOILER ALERT, I'm not.
What I've decided to do is think of the major things that happened throughout 11-20 years old and then tell you about those and then also share some hilarious pictures because honestly who doesn't love reminiscing by looking at photos as you were transitioning through puberty. It'll be a good laugh, I promise.
I was honestly the same as a child as I am now at 30 years old. Not scared to get dirty, naked most of the time, but also loved flowers and being pretty.
I don't really know what else to say except that I'm trying to be a better person, a more whole person. I'm trying to be genuine and real. I'm trying to do the best I can in my life and relationships with other people. But, fuck, somedays it's hard.
Do I regret my choices? A part of me does. Sure, I want to go through life saying nO ReGRets~~ but who am I or you kidding?
Read a lil bit about my time in Amsterdam with both Alley and Vanessa- two huge inspirations of my life and the people that helped keep my head above water in a dark time of my life.